The first week of school for us is over, and what an emotional rollercoaster it has been! Last week, as I watched all of my friends send their kids to Kindergarten, I reached a deep level of sadness I did not expect. All of the pictures of sweet smiling children sitting at their new desk; well, that was my dream once too. For some reason it was like receiving the diagnosis all over again with the reality that life will be jarringly different than anything I could have ever imagined for my child or myself. The pictures and first day stories were glaring reminders of what was not to be. I'm ashamed to say it was a difficult week. While it was a human reaction, it was selfish and unfair to my friends and to Will for me to feel that way. I'm learning that when something permanently alters your life or the life of someone you love, grief is forever there. It's cyclical, and we all have our own personal triggers for that grief. I'm also learning that while it's ok to pray specifically for changes in Will that will lead to a fuller and happier life, many times the more important prayer is a shift in my heart. My circumstances may not change, but the way I feel about them and act on them can. Thankfully, I was in a much better place when I sent the boys off to school on Tuesday. As many of you know, we opted for an alternative educational plan for Will that is a blend of Mother's Day Out Preschool, therapy and homeschooling. We were all excited to get started, but I was nervous because this is a new situation for everyone.
The first day was a little tough learning new routines and rules but Will's behavior was manageable, and he was still able to function pretty well throughout the day. Today though, well today he rocked it. He participated in everything including all of his academic centers and even did some of his math work independently. He followed instructions, sat through circle time and did his first science experiment. He sat through his entire music and art classes and played appropriately with toys and on the playground. His specials teachers were amazed by his behavior. Will's teacher spoke to the class on the first day to let them know what they might expect from Will and how they could be great helpers. They rose to the occasion and were on hand anytime Will was upset to ask if he was ok and what they could do, and they would seek him out purposefully to play. To the school that rejected Will because they implied he had no potential, to the therapist that said there was nothing else that could be done, to the teacher who implied I was in denial, and to the schools who believe children with disabilities don't belong with their typical peers...today, Will claims victory. I am not a spiteful or vengeful person. I say these things because there is truth and honor in them. I've known since Will was still snuggled in my belly that God has a magnificent plan for him. Today, a small piece of that plan unfolded before everyone's eyes. We still have a long way to go, and I know there are more tough days ahead but today this little boy bathed in glorious light.
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Charming, quirky and incredibly loving. Will loves his friends, swimming, the iPad, the Avett Brothers, observing the world upside down, climbing, jumping and being chased.
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October 2017
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