The past two and a half months have been a mixture of joy, anxiety and frustration for our new family of four. Andrew has been a most welcome addition to our family. We are so proud of him and enjoy each and every day we get to learn more about him. It is obvious Will loves his little brother too. He will answer when asked his brother's name, give Andrew kisses when prompted and occasionally look at Andrew on his own and say "Andrew" or "baby." With awareness of his new little brother though also comes the jealousy that any three year-old would feel. When your child is not very verbal, that anger and frustration manifests physically, and it was all directed at me. With a lot of hard work by Will's therapists, the diligent use of a visual schedule at home and a lot of extra love from Mommy and Daddy, I am happy to say Will's behavior has improved dramatically.
Managing Will's behavior, caring for a newborn and recovering from a C-section have taken a toll on me emotionally and physically this summer. In my weakened emotional state, I struggled again with the whys of Will's autism. I struggled as I watched my friends make plans for swim lessons, summer camps, VBS and fun vacations. In my mind, they were experiencing a true summer with their kids, making the kind of memories you are supposed to make while Will and I planned to spend most of our summer in therapy. I began grieving Will's diagnosis all over again and now, I'm moving on again. It could have been exhaustion, but I am realizing the grieving process is probably not a one time thing. It is going to happen multiple times throughout Will's life. I'm sure different events and stages of life will trigger it, and it will last for different lengths of time. You know what snaps me out of it though? When Will reminds me that for the most part, he doesn't mind being autistic. When he reminds me how extraordinary he is because he can see the world in a way we could never imagine. When he reminds me that he does not have to enjoy the things that others do because the things that he does enjoy, he loves them with an intensity that we cannot comprehend. So while we will spend a lot of time in therapy this summer helping Will with his communication, self-help and fine motor skills, we will also spend a lot of time at the pool, watching Super Why and Wheel of Fortune, playing on the iPad, jumping, swinging and going to Rosa's Tortilla Factory because Will wouldn't have it any other way.
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Charming, quirky and incredibly loving. Will loves his friends, swimming, the iPad, the Avett Brothers, observing the world upside down, climbing, jumping and being chased.
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October 2017
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