My life has always been easy. I have never been great at any one thing, but I have always been good at a lot of things. I grew up privileged, not rich, just privileged. I have never wanted for food, clothing or shelter or worried that any of those things would disappear. My parents were supportive and present. Going to college was never a question, and it was fully paid for by my parents. I married a man whose school was completely paid for, and we began our marriage debt free. We are very aware that we stand on the shoulders of those who went before us, worked hard and created a legacy. I have also always been oddly aware, since I was a teenager, that my life couldn't always be this easy. I used to tell myself that one day the bottom would fall out, and I needed to be prepared for that.
The day Will was diagnosed with delays it did. At first because life as I had dreamed it was shattered forever. We picked up, we moved on and continue to build a new dream. Life became very dark again when I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel because my son, my baby boy, began leaving bruises all over my body and I didn't know how to help him make sense of this world. We mustered all of the emotional strength we had and found the help our little boy needed. Life is becoming increasingly stressful again as I'm realizing that this world is not as progressive and kind as I once thought. A month ago, we were at a restaurant in New Orleans when Will began asking for a banana, a word he does not pronounce correctly. I was a bit shocked to hear two adults in the corner of the restaurant making fun of him. Two grown adults making fun of a five year old boy. We have been on the receiving end of ugly and confused looks before but never outright ridicule. It was then that I realized the hardship he will face and how important my role is in making this world better for him. I have never asked anyone to put themselves in my shoes, to imagine how they would navigate a life like ours. Many of you will never know the daily, agonizing pain of wondering if your child will find a safe and welcome place in the future. Many of you will never hear someone tell you your child can't/won't/shouldn't do something because they don't fit into the majority. Many of you will never know the explosive joy from watching your child do something mundane. AND THAT'S OK. That is my life, and I will never ask you nor wish for you to walk in it. No matter how hard you try, you cannot completely feel the implications, positive or negative, of something that is not your experience. You may imagine it, roll it over in your mind but at the end of the day, you go back to your reality that is not that experience. I feel it would be super human to have that ability. But just because you don't experience it does not mean that it is not existing parallel to your life. Just because you don't experience it does not mean you don't have a stake in it. So now I implore you, be generous with your listening skills. Listen with your whole heart and mind when you tell each other about your lives. Be thoughtful with your words. If your words are not meant to edify, heal and contribute to the greater good, then please don't speak them. We are meant to be one body. We are meant to hold each other up. You know that old saying, you are only as strong as your weakest link? I believe that as the human race, we are as strong as our strongest link because it is the responsibility of the mighty and empowered to fight for the weak and at any given point, you could fall into either of those categories. I am a different mother and a different person because Will is my son, and I am much, much better for it. My role will change over time but the constant will be an unending desire to contribute my perspective in the hope of building a future where all people are valued simply because they are human beings. Let's all find our role in making this world a brighter and safer place.
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Charming, quirky and incredibly loving. Will loves his friends, swimming, the iPad, the Avett Brothers, observing the world upside down, climbing, jumping and being chased.
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October 2017
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